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Profiles in Confusion

Archive: Profiles in Confusion celebrate differently-abled thinkers, and you either find them puzzling or absurdly funny. (There are very few agnostics when it comes to my work.) These strips, arranged by academic year as they appeared in the Indiana Daily Student, are among my favorites. (Arranged here in reverse chronological order.)



Caveman Profile Evolution dictates that you should walk upright. Evolution dictates that you should walk straight into my arms, you crazy, beautiful woman. What we have together is not an aberration of Natural Selection. It’s golden, Samantha. We’re golden.



Gumby Profile Mercy, woman! We’re gonna get your Botox on and shake it on down! Mercy on a world with such funk in it! Mercy!



Key Master Profile Wha’cha doin’ walkin’ ‘round wid all dem keys for? You ain’t got no job. Why you got all dem keys for if you ain’t got no job? You ain’t up ta nuttin’ but no good wid dem keys! You all actin’ like Mr. Big Shot wid dem keys! Like you a Key Master or som’um!



Pistol Nut Profile What happened to the dinosaurs? Why haven’t we built a time machine to solve this riddle yet? Who's in charge of this dog and pony show, anyway? What bonehead is dropping the ball here? This burns me up! I’m not waving this gun around because it matches the color of the veins in my neck! I want some damn answers!



Student Profile I want to learn to fly an airplane, but not how to land. No landing—just taking off. Is there some school where I can do that? Someplace where I don’t have to pay out-of-state tuition? I can drive there, but I only know how to drive a car and not stop it. I went to school for that last year.


Death By Algorithm

The Road to Nirvana is Paved with Karaoke: Schopenhauer said that every generation believes it is the salt and summit toward which humanity has striven. The case is always strong, but clearly wrong if the next generation does not concur. Where seizing the reins of power (as well as the modes of production), we have not so much liberated the best and brightest among us as have been swallowed up by manifold vanity projects of plebeians. The New World Order of culture is Karaoke Culture; and where culture is left to its consumer to invent, one gets exactly the culture one deserves.

Original Music

About Garage Band and Logic: The odd loop notwithstanding, all compositions presented here are mine. The only thing more difficult than writing this music is mixing it, so these pieces are frequently tinkered with and fine-tuned.

These pages contain approximately eighty original works for various ensembles, with pop, rock, jazz and classical stylings. The above link presents the music in reverse chronological order from 2014 to 2009, while the below links are specific by year. Last Update: 9/15/14

2   0   0   9   Pages featuring enthusiastic early works.

2  0   1   0    Pages concluding a prolific period.

2  0   1   1   -   2  0  1  4     Pages comprising recent works.


Original Animation

Original Animation gif Pirate Ship Aesthetics: I do not have the resources, patience, or interest to make polished animation. God created metaphysics to get around the obvious, so I will leave the exhaustive work of constructing animated sequences that move objects conventionally from here to there to others. Last Update: 5/05/13


Original Artwork

The Internet That Wasn’t: The Internet that wasn’t is more interesting than the Internet that is, since the freedom it offered promised fertile opportunities for creative people to network and disseminate their work. Thanks to Google's ever-improving algorithms, which have weeded out every interesting and offbeat site, the World Wide Web has become a glorified strip mall for low-end devices.


New Work

Modernist Aesthetic: I admittedly credit myself with an immodest degree of uniqueness, which stems from my formative exposure to and adaptation of Modernism. As a creature of this Twentieth century aesthetic, I spent a portion of my formative youth rebelling against the ruinous tyranny Modernism became through art academia in the Eighties. By the time we get to Post-Modernism, and the glib politics of “identity” used to justify the lamest banality imaginable, those distant European pioneers, who inspired me to apply my imagination first and foremost, were long dead and relegated to the pages of art survey books.

Modernism is ended in its best sense, and what we are left with are self-aware parodies of its once revolutionary ideas (as found in anachronistic, factory-showroom New York galleries). Today we live in an era of post-ism-ism, where everything is allowed. There are many more crafty artists than in times past, especially where artists accomplish unparalleled levels of achievement in furthering styles originated in other epochs. Unfortunately, this unprecedented commitment to doing-one-better has given us a kind of replicable scientific algorithm. Momentarily, few are interested in seeing past this data base. Last Update: 1/30/2016

Gallery One 1993-2002

Paintings: The arts divide naturally between creators and community. Most artists, being socially lacking, aspire to a monk-like existence—or at least default to a reliable sanctuary when they want to define themselves in opposition to everything else. The community, by contrast, is attracted to the idea of the creator, although, really, they have little true interest in his or her welfare. Let us not forget that the community of art exists principally to be a community. It is social, so intends, by its meetings and get-togethers, to plan other events that look suspiciously like more meetings and get-togethers. The community loves its own company, especially in settings where art serves as a backdrop, or as something to be discussed in lectures where the attendees can be seen attending.

Gallery Two 1998-2002

Gallery Two Works on Paper: One untold loss in the new algorithmic age is that of accidental discovery, where one happens upon unsought exciting things. Nowadays, overly helpful cookies and spyware keep track of your movements online, and you see only those advertisements of places you have visited. You are effectively denied access to random unknown places, unless you actively seek them out. Of course, if you knew where you wanted go, it would defeat the point of going.


Odds and Ends

Portfolio 1983-1993

Winsome Creature Button Learning Curves: Autism is the lens through which I view not only my creative life but also the world. While most professional artists seek a style, a community, or a livelihood with their craft, my focus revolves around a hermetic thought process that first reverse engineers creative ventures that interest me, and then applies what I've learned to create original work.


The Blender Kitty Archives

Blender Kitty w/hoe One man’s reinvention of the comic strip: Blender Kitty, Candy Medicine Bear, and occasional interloper, Wayne The Endangered River Otter (among others).


History of Comics

Popeye w/shaving mug From 1989: These pages include works from my unpublished Epic Dermis series.


Flash Films

Flavor of The Moth gif From 1992-2011:The majority of these Flash animations are derived from early comics, as well as a selection of Profiles in Confusion strips. Other early attempts at animation are also here, including animated gifs.


Icarus Transfigured

Icarus Transfigured A Novel / Memoir in Late-Diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome: Site for my online book.


Bent Apparal

White Boy Tee Design Shop At Cafe Press: Support Blender Kitty and its creator.


Contact me at: mlteague@blenderkitty.com


Copyright ©2016 michael l. teague all rights reserved